Sunday, October 16, 2011

Born into this.

As a sad sack of shit, i can't help but notice the listlessness my life has taken with little indication that i would enjoy such a direction. It seemed one day as i was playing around and truly enjoying things, and it took someone with the correct word usage to have me turn around and put a retrospective eye to my recent activities that i noticed the childish mucking about that i was doing.

Damn women.

Why is it every time i think i'm having fun; it's a girl that taps me on the shoulder that warns me on my own behavior that makes me reflect on my actions? No one else seems to mind, all the people i was with before encourage such things. If it were any girl, other than the few i respect enough to pay attention to, to be the one to point out my faults i would've ignored them out right and continued on my way, as merrily as ever. But no it had to be the one damn women in my life (besides my mother) that has to point out the uselessness of my current life style.

Although i wish to blame her for causing me such problems, i know for a fact that i can't. What exactly have i been going these last 6 years besides work? I mean sure my job now can offer no such plan to help me carry on high through the ranks, nor can it help me finally obtain medical coverage, but i'm helping people with mental handicaps; as hard as it is something i like the guys with schizophrenia at my work. Is this where i imaged i would be some seven years ago as a fledgling 21 year old?


But it is here within these sad little pages that i plan to chronically document my pointless little existence  far away from facebook where my humor shines brighter than it ever will, from my parents and my friends. It is here as i plan my new job far before it will begin. Far before i have spoken to my father about it, and even farther than i have speaking to my friends/roommates about my current goal. My goal of finally obtaining my English degree and teaching it to kids in Japan.

I feel like Sam Beckett waking up in someone else life and noticing how crappy it is, and now i have to fix it.

Oh Boy.

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