Friday, January 29, 2016

Encroaching reality


It's almost here. long as it been since i last thought i would actually get to see it. My Atlantis, my Xanadu.

Nearly fourteen years worth of dreaming coming true. i think i finally understand why some guys get the way they do when they are about to talk to their dream girl.

At this point i'm not even excited about Japan, i'm just nervous and fearful. What if this doesn't work out? What if i can't find a job? I couldn't even get a job in a country where i speak the language to scoop up dog shit (and i mean that literally).

Japan might be the most fun i have anywhere in my life, but it's the after portion if everything goes to shit that has me not even excited. Mostly because the month of April is around the corner. That old sinister witch to come and ruin my plans, what does she have in her cauldron this time to ruin everything. Granted for the last two years she has left me alone, but it's when one comes complacent that life chooses to fuck you over.

Sweet Jesus, please just this once, just this fucking once, please work out for me.

I have grown too old, tired, and wary. Could you please, just work out this once? I've actually worked toward this, i really have. And the entire way i have met road block after, "life got in the way" road block. I aint asking for a soulmate like some of these stupid assholes out here, i aint asking to win the lottery, i'm just asking for this one thing, an actual small chance to get a job.

Soul mate: 1 in 7 billion.

Lottery: 1 in 10 million

A job where i can do what i want: 1 in 1000. The numbers are there, i can only carry me so far, just share a little luck. I'm so tired of waiting.

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